Mr B and I always knew from day 1 we wanted to have a family together. We both have our own wonderful and crazy families that we grew up with and last year we decided the time was right for us to start one of our own. We had thought about it since the day we got engaged but with our sensible heads on we always had one reason or another why we should wait. We needed to be at a secure point with our finances. We needed to have reached a certain level in our careers. We needed the house to be the ‘perfect family home’. We got a dog to take our mind off the want for a baby. We needed to do a few more holidays etc etc all very selfish stuff!
But then…last September we decided – Sod it!- Lets just do it!
I can honestly say I was so nervous I felt sick from the very first unprotected rendez vous! I knew I wanted to be a Mum 100% but was this the right time? I was so nervous I had convinced myself I was definitely pregnant and I just had to get on with it anyway! From the minute your period starts as a girl you are told by all female family members, friends and educators that ‘It only takes 1 time’! So here I am believing that its a dead cert I am going to be pregnant for sure! However, Month 1, AF (Aunt flow) arrived and I couldn’t make up my mind if I was relieved or disappointed. At this point however I wasn’t giving it too much thought either way and so we carried on business as usual!
Month 2 and 3 we carried on feeling like we were living dangerously every time we ‘did the deed’ and each time AF arrived I think I slowly began to let the thought creep into my mind…’Hhmm they lied to me! It does not just take 1 time! Why hasn’t it happened yet? What’s wrong?’ However I was determined not to become one of those ‘Wannabe Mum’s’ who starts obsessing over ovulation dates and temperature charting and vitamin taking. I wanted to believe in the good old just don’t stress about it too much and it will happen for sure!
So Christmas came and as it is the season to be jolly we definitely upped our game and I felt for sure we had hit the nail on the head this time! I knew it was going to be just perfect. A baby conceived on Christmas day (in the morning to be precise!) I was totally relaxed, feeling good and enjoyed a perfect Christmas with our families my head full of the thought of the next Christmas when there would surely be a new addition to the family 🙂 *feeling dreamy*
Well as you can imagine that did NOT happen! So now after 4 months and no joy I decide I am 100% a ‘Wannabe Mum’ and I don’t care who bloody knows it! I declare to Mr B I want a Basal Body Thermometer, I need an Ovulation Prediction Kit, I stock up on pre-conception vitamins (3 for 2 in Boots!) and download a fertility calendar app and book about conception on my Kindle. We are both going to up our games with regards to frequency, timing, exercise and diet and we are damn well going to get this sorted out how hard can it be?!
Well that is how the next 3 months went. I believe that in a Pub quiz I may possibly now know more about fertility and the female monthly cycle than your average Doctor, I have successfully confirmed that I am very regular, I do ovulate and that we could not physically do the deed any more perfectly timed than if I actually had a visible body clock attached to my ovaries! Yet still all I have to show for it is one very lonely empty tummy! 😦
After all of this I decide there is no more I can do and I know enough, so we drop all the tests and charts and go back to just high frequency and trying fun ways to keep it light hearted and ‘normal’. The next month things were a little different. Read on to my next post for the events of Month 8 of TTC.